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Copywriting Sample Direct Response Style #2 BonusMail - a company that rewards its members (with redeemable "points") for reading email ads - contracted us to write this ad for the Total Gym 1000, a home fitness machine. Notice how we used N.L.P. (neuro linguistic programming) in the opening, and how we justified the ultra-low price. And also notice the big challenge we faced: members could only get the discount price by joining a discount buying club for another $49.95. In the P.S., you'll see how we turned this extra "cost" into a positive
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Trevor, imagine having your own personal gymnasium - a beautiful addition to your home - complete with the world's best fitness equipment. Now picture how quick and easy it is to build the body of your dreams... how great it feels when people take notice of your new physique. Well, believe it or not, we've discovered something even better! For 18 years, it's been Chuck Norris' favorite muscle-toning secret.
(Christy Brinkley's too.) It's the Total Gym 1000 by Fitness Quest, a compact fitness machine that literally... Now listen, since Chuck and Christy could spend thousands on gymnasium equipment, why did they choose the Total Gym 1000? Because they travel so often. On movie sets, they need one compact machine that can set up in less than a minute, give them a total body work-out, and then fold up in seconds and be tucked in a closet. This is the one. Here are just a few of the 60 different exercises you can do with it:
And thanks to some heavy negotiating with our partner, ShopOnline, you can get this incredible machine right now for even less than ShopOnline's standard low price of $242.82. That's right. For our members only, we got the price down to (unheard of!) only $211. But there's one catch. More on this in a minute. You can also:
But here's the best part. It's even BETTER than a gym, because it lets you
work major muscle groups simultaneously. This means... In just a fraction of the time it would take you with free weights. Since your own body weight provides the resistance, there are no weights to move around. In fact, you can... Simply raise the incline to increase resistance (and lift up to 60% of your
body weight), or lower it to reduce resistance (and lift as little as 4%).
Want more?
Trevor, as you look back on today's decision, we're so confident that
you'll be patting yourself on the back, we unconditionally guarantee it. That's right. If, for any reason you're not completely satisfied, just send your Total
Gym 1000 back within 30 days for a complete, 100% refund. ShopOnline's return address will be on the package. Just call ShopOnline first, toll free, for a return authorization number. P.S. Feel free to send us some "before" and "after" pictures of yourself. P.P.S. Here's the catch. To get this incredible deal, you have to be
willing to save another $300, $400, or more over the next 12 months - on
products you're already going to buy. And, you have to say "YES" to:
See, these are the benefits you get as an ShopOnline member... Not only will you get incredible "members only" deals on ALL of
ShopOnline's 500,000+ products. Starting with the Total Gym 1000. (Listen, $211 is a real "steal" when you compare it to ShopOnline's
standard low price of $242.82, or the suggested manufacturer's retail price
of $299.95.)
Here's how:
-- Type in the product you're interested in (for example, "fitness machine") -- Their database finds and lists every product in that category -- Complete with descriptions and prices! Here are just a FEW of the product lines you'll START SAVING MONEY ON:
Here's the bottom line. For just $49.95 (that's less than $5 per month!),
you're going to get:
If, at any time during your first THREE months, you're not convinced that
your "members only" discounts are absolutely worth having, simply call
ShopOnline to cancel. And get this: Even if you've already gotten "steals" on dozens of ShopOnline products - even if you've already saved hundreds of dollars - you'll STILL get a complete, 100% refund of your $49.95. No questions. No hard feelings. You'll also be privileged with these FIVE terrific benefits - EXCLUSIVELY
for members - right now and every time you take advantage of ShopOnline's
great deals:
Plus, we'll give you 500 free points for taking advantage of this special
offer! Don't miss this chance to buy the Total Gym for just $211, and get 500 points to boot! Hurry, this special offer expires on November 5, 1998! End of Copywriting Sample To read samples of other copywriting styles, like "Corporate Style" or "Sequential Mailings", return to our samples page now. Or, to tell us about your project and get a free estimate, click here. We look forward to hearing from you.
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